FuckYeahWomensRugby

For all the shenanigans that occur

The Songs

One of the Best Reasons to Social: The Songs!

Rebloggable versions found here.

I apologize in advance if you find any of these offensive.  They’re rugby songs; they’re all pretty vulgar.

(Along these lines, this page is NSFW [Not Safe for Work] due to language.)

 

The Marrying Kind

Everyone:  (Chorus) If I were the marrying kind, and thank the Lord I’m not sir, the kind of rugger I would be would be a rugby:

Player: Flanker, sir!

Everyone: Flanker, sir, why is that, sir?

Player: ‘Cause I’d get off quick

Everyone: And you’d get off quick, we’d all get off quick together.  It’ll be alright in the middle of the night if we all get off quick together.

Back to Chorus

Other verses:

Hooker - I’d swipe balls
Lock - I’d grab crotch
Prop - I’d support the hooker
Eightman/Lock #2 - I’d sniff butt
Flyhalf - I’d whip it out
Center - I’d find the holes
Wing - I’d get none
Wing #2 - I’d spread it wide
Wing #3 - I’d come quick
Fullback - I’d get fucked
Scrumhalf - I’d grab balls
Scrumhalf #2 - I’d go both ways
Rulebook - I’d get violated
Boots - I’d come in a box
Scrum - I’d drive hard
Whistle - I’d get blown
Groundskeeper - I’d grow weed
Groundskeeper #2 - I’d do lines
Groundskeeper #3 - I’d trim bush
Fan in the rain - I’d come in rubber
Fan in the rain #2 - I’d get wet
Fan in the sun - I’d come again
Fan from far away - I’d come for hours
Jumper - I’d get high
Jumper #2 - I’d go both ways
Line-out - I’m not straight
Half-time orange - I’d get sucked
Hot dog vendor #1 - I’d split buns
Hot dog vendor #2 - I’d squirt sauce
Last year’s jerseys - I’d come out of the closet
Ball - I’d get touched
Mouthguard - I’d get sucked
Sir’s hat - I’d sit on a dick
Fan in the snow - I’d never come
Dog on the field - I’d chase pussy
Scrum cap - I’d be on a pussy

***********************************************

Ruck to the East and Ruck to the West

The verses are a call and return where one player will choose a teammate (or opponent) to make fun of, then everyone will repeat the lyrics before heading into the chorus.

(The lyrics are what I imagine the U.S. Eagles would sing.  For the chorus, just insert your team name/university and see which team can yell louder!)

Verse:

One player: Ohh, Sally’s like peanut butter, cheap and easy to spread!

Everyone: Ohh, Sally’s like peanut butter, cheap and easy to spread!

Chorus:

So ruck to the east, and ruck to the west

U.S. ruggers ruck the best!

So keep on ruckin’ Eagles

Ruck those blues away!

Other verses:

“Jane is like a television, a 3-year old could turn her on!”
“Kelly’s like spaghetti, straight until she’s wet!”
McDonald’s - over a million served
Burger King - you can have it your way
Pencil - straight until a point
Town bicycle – everyone gets a ride
Shotgun – two pumps and she’s ready to blow
Light switch – one flick and you’ll turn her on
Oreos - eat her and your teeth turn black
Balsa wood - light and easy to nail
exit ramp - she’s where everyone gets off
Snickers - always satisfies
the ocean - wet and smells like fish
parking meter - a quarter for 15 minutes
jumbo jet - biggest cock pit in town
Domino’s pizza - only good when you’re really drunk
Toilet seat - gets a lot of ass

************************************************

Yogi Bear

Player: I know a bear that we all know

Everyone: Yogi, Yogi, I know a bear that we all know, Yogi Yogi Bear.  Yogi Yogi Bear, Yogi Yogi Bear.  I know a bear that we all know, Yogi Yogi Bear.

Player: Yogi has a girlfriend

Everyone: Susie, Susie, Yogi has a girlfriend, Susie Susie Bear.  Susie Susie Bear, Susie Susie Bear.  Yogi has a girlfriend, Susie Susie Bear.

Other verses:
Susie has a girlfriend, Klondike. Klondike, Klondike Bear.
Yogi likes it on the fridge, Polar.  Polar, Polar Bear.
Yogi’s dick is long and green, Cucum.  Cucum, Cucumber.
Susie wears lingerie, Teddy.  Teddy, Teddy bear.
Yogi’s girlfriend has no teeth, Gummy.  Gummy, Gummy bear.
Yogi weighs 400 pounds, More Than.  More than, more than I can bear.
(alt) Yogi has a ten-inch knob, More Than.  More than, more than I can bear.
Susie is pregnant, Push Her.  Push Her, Push Her Down the Stairs.
(alt) Susie missed her period, Push Her.  Push Her, Push Her Down the Stairs.
Yogi has a cheesy knob, camem.  Camem, Camembert.
Susie likes it interracial, Panda.  Panda, Panda Bear.
(alt) Susie likes it in the face, Panda.  Panda, Panda Bear.
Susie likes it up a tree, Koala.  Koala, Koala bear.
Susie’s into whips and chains, Kinky.  Kinky, Kinky bear.
Susie doesn’t shave her minch, Grizzly.  Grizzly, Grizzly bear.
Yogi used a condom, Care Bear.  Care, Care Care Bear.
Susie likes it up the back, Brown Bear.  Brown, Brown Brown Bear.
Yogi has a little friend, BooBoo.  BooBoo, BooBoo Bear.
BooBoo’s only 3 feet tall, blowjob.  Blowjob, blowjob bear.
(alt: BooBoo’s only 3 feet tall, blowjob.  Yogi’s a lucky bear!)
Yogi drives a Cadillac, black bear.  Black bear, black bear.
Susie likes it upside down, koala. Koala, koala bear.
Yogi cuddles after sex, care bear. Care bear, care bear.
Yogi’s dick is 3 feet long, bullshit. Bullshit, bullshit bear.

************************************************

Shit Damn

(Usually separated into forwards and backs, then each side goes back and forth starting in a whisper and trying to see who can shout louder in the end.)

Shit damn, fuck a damn, fuck a damn, damn
Some motherfucker just fucked my man
I’ll fuck another fucker better than the other fucker
Shit damn, fuck a damn, fuck a damn, damn

************************************************

Jesus Can’t Play Rugby

Player: Jesus can’t play rugby ‘cuz he has holes in his hands.

Everyone: Jesus can’t play rugby ‘cuz he has holes in his hands.  Jesus can’t play rugby ‘cuz he has holes in his hands.  Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves.

(chorus): Free beer for all the ruggers! (Shit, piss, fuck!)
Free beer for all the ruggers! (Shit, piss, fuck!)
Free beer for all the ruggers! (Shit, piss, fuck!)
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves.

Player:  Jesus can’t play rugby ‘cuz his dad’ll fix the game.

Everyone: Jesus can’t play rugby ‘cuz his dad’ll fix the game.  Jesus can’t play rugby ‘cuz his dad’ll fix the game.  Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves.

(chorus)

Other verses:
He’s only got 12 friends
The goalposts give him flashbacks
He’s stuck in the hooker position
The Jew won’t pay his dues
He wears illegal headgear
He’s living in my/[Christian teammate’s] heart
You can’t bleed on the pitch
His father never existed
The motherfucker’s dead
(Mary can’t play rugby ‘cuz) she’s never touched a ball
(Mary can’t play rugby ‘cuz) she’s never kissed a girl
(Jonah can’t play rugby ‘cuz) he’s stuck in a fuckin’ whale
(Noah can’t play rugby ‘cuz) the pitch is always flooded
(Mary is a virgin) yeah I’ve heard that one before

Last verse (to the sound of the chorus):
Jesus, we’re only kidding.
Jesus, we’re only kidding.
Jesus, we’re only kidding.
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves.


************************************************
Days of the Week

Leader: Monday’s a working day!

Everyone: Monday’s a working day!

Chorus: Leader: How’s your father?

Everyone: Alright.

Leader: And your mother?

Everyone: Too tight.

Leader: And what about that brother/sister/teammate/coach/professor,etc.?

Everyone: Just right!

Leader: When’s the last time?

Everyone: Last night!

Leader: And when’s the next time?

Everyone: Tonight!

Leader: Is everybody happy?

Everybody: You bet your ass we are!  (put your finger on top of somebody’s head, and it means they have to twirl like a ballerina)

Leader: Monday’s a working day!

Everyone: Monday’s a working day!

Leader: Tuesday’s a practice day!

Everyone: Tuesday’s a practice day!

(Chorus)

Continue adding days like this until you get through all of the days of the week.  Note - Saturday should be played out like:
Leader: Saturday is a rugby day!
Everyone: Saturday is a rugby day!
Leader: Saturday is a rugby day!
Everyone: Saturday is a rugby day!
Leader: Saturday is a mother fuckin’ rugby day!
Everyone: Saturday is a mother fuckin’ rugby day!

The verses (often very different for teams):
Monday’s a working/practice day!
Tuesday’s a tokin’/drinking day!
Wednesday’s a hump day!
Thursday’s a drinking day! (Pause for the cause)
Friday’s a fucking day!
SATURDAY IS A RUGBY DAY!
Sunday’s the Lord’s day.

***********************************************

Rugby Men Song
(to the tune of “This Old Man (Knick-knack, paddy-whack”)

Rugby men, they play 1, they all take it up the bum 

chorus: With a scrum down line out convert into a ruck, rugby men are no good to fuck

Rugby men, they play 2, they can’t get it up to screw 

Chorus

Rugby men, they play 3, they can’t get no sex for free 

chorus

Rugby men, they play 4, they can’t get it up to score 

chorus

Rugby men, they play 5, they can’t get a girl alive 

chorus 

Rugby men, they play 6, little men with little dicks 

chorus 

Rugby men, they play 7, they can’t take me up to heaven 

chorus 

Rugby men, they play 8, I would rather masturbate

chorus

Rugby men, they play 9, all they do is moan and whine 

chorus 

Rugby men, they play 10, little boys who think they’re men 

chorus

(alternate chorus: With a knickknack patty-whack, send the boys away.  Women’s rugby’s what we play!)

***********************************************

Yo Ho

I put my hand upon her toe, yo-ho (yo-ho).
I put my hand upon her toe, yo-ho (yo-ho).
I put my hand upon her toe
She said hey rugger, you’re way too low!

Get in get out quit fuckin’ about yo ho yo ho yo ho.

I put my hand upon her calf yo ho (yo ho)
I put my hand upon her calf yo ho(yo ho)
I put my hand upon her calf
She said hey rugger your makin me laugh

Get in Get out quit fuckin about yo ho yo ho yo ho

I put my hand upon her knee yo ho yo ho
I put my hand upon her knee yo ho yo ho
I put my hand upon her knee
She said hey rugger you’re teasin me!

Get in get out quit fuckin about yo ho yo ho yo ho

I put my hand upon her thigh yo ho yo ho
I put my hand upon her thigh yo ho yo ho
I put my hand upon her thigh
She said hey rugger you’re way too shy

Get in get out quit fuckin upon yo ho yo ho yo ho

I put my hand upon her tit yo ho yo ho
I put my hand upon her tit yo ho yo ho
I put my hand upon her tit
She said hey rugger you’re gettin it

Get in get out quit fuckin about yo ho yo ho yo ho

I put my hand upon her twat yo ho yo ho
I put my hand upon her twat yo ho yo ho
I put my hand upon her twat
She said hey rugger you hit the spot

Get in get out quit fuckin about yo ho yo ho yo ho

I put my dick into her ear, yo ho yo ho
I put my dick into her ear, yo ho yo ho
I put my dick into her ear
She said hey rugger you’re nowhere near

Get in get out quit fuckin about yo ho yo ho yo ho

I put my dick into her mouth, yo ho yo ho
I put my dick into her mouth, yo ho yo ho
I put my dick into her mouth
She said (drink some beer and spit it out at whomever you wish)

Get in get out quit fuckin about yo ho yo ho yo ho

And now she lies in a ole’ pine box, yo-ho (yo-ho).
And now she lies in a ole’ pine box, yo-ho (yo-ho).
And now she lies in a ole’ pine box, she died from suckin too many ruggers cocks!
Get in, get out, quit fucking about yo-ho yo-ho yo-ho. 


I dig her up every now and then, yo-ho (yo-ho).
I dig her up every now and then, yo-ho (yo-ho).
I dig her up every now and then, we fucked her once we’ll fuck her again!
Get in, get out, quit fucking about yo-ho yo-ho yo-ho.

************************************************

The Ball Of Kirriemuir (a mainstay of Scottish rugby teams - verses can be mixed)

CHORUS:
Singing: Balls to your partner,
Ass against the wall,
If you’ve never been laid on Saturday night,
You’ve never been laid at all.

The ball, the ball, the ball, the ball
The ball of Kirriemuir
There were four and twenty prostitutes
Lying on the floor

Four and twenty virgins,
Came down from Inverness,
And when the ball was over
There were four and twenty less.

The elders of the kirk arrived
And were surprised to see
Four-and-twenty maidenheads
Hanging from a tree

Four and twenty whores,
Came up from Glockamore,
And when the ball was over
They were all of them double bore.

The village plumber he was there,
He felt an awful fool,
He’d come eleven leagues or more
And forgot to bring his tool.

There was fucking in the hallways,
And fucking in the ricks,
You couldn’t hear the music
For the swishing of the pricks.

They were fucking in the Barley.
They were fucking in the oats.
Some were fucking sheep,
but most were fucking goats.

There was fucking in the kitchen,
And fucking in the halls,
You couldn’t hear the music for
The clanging of the balls.

There was fucking in the parlor,
And fucking on the stairs,
You couldn’t see the carpet
For the mass of public hairs.

I put my head upon her lap,
and she put hers in mine.
We sucked a bit and blowed a bit
and that’s called sixty-nine.

The parson’s daughter she was there,
The cunning little runt,
With poison ivy up her ass
And thistle up her cunt.

The village whore she was there,
Doing a really good stunt
Stuck to the ceiling
By the suction of her cunt.

The village idiot he was there
Sitting on a pole
Pulled his foreskin over his head
And whistled though the hole.

The mayors wife she was there
Lying on the floor
Every time she spread he legs
The suction closed the door

Grandma and Grandpa they were there
Sitting by the fire
Knitting prophylactics
Out of old rubber tires.

The village postman he was there
He had a case of the pox
Couldn’t fuck the women
So he fucked a letter box.

Little Tommy he was there
He was only eight
Couldn’t fuck the women
So he had to masturbate.

The blacksmith’s brother he was there
A mighty stud was he
Lined ‘em up against the wall
And fucked ‘em three-by-three.

The village hooker she was there
Feeling mighty fine
Lined ‘em up against the wall
And fucked ‘em nine-by-nine.

The village rugger he was there
the mightiest of men
Lined ‘em up against the wall
And fucked em ten-by-ten.

The village magician he was there
Up to his favorite trick
Pulling his asshole over his head
And standing on his prick.

Father O’Flanagan he was there
And in the corner sat
Amusing himself by abusing himself
And catching it in his hat.

Dino had an even stroke
His skill was much admired
He gratified one cunt at a time
Until his skill expired.

Jock McVennig he was there
A looking for a fuck
But every cunt was occupied
And he was out of luck.

Michael Lee when he got the there
His prick was long and high
But when he fucked her forty times
He was fucking mighty dry.

McTavish, oh yes, he was there
His prick was long and broad
And when he fucked the furriers wife
She had to be rebored.

The village dogcatcher
Proved he was no slouch
Went out and caught the neighbors dog
And fucked it on the couch.

The village gynecologist he was there
On a beaver hunt
Pulled down all the women’s pants
And probed through all their cunts.

The village dunce he was there
All alone he stands
Amusing himself by abusing himself
And using both his hands.

The village idiot he was there,
Up to this and that,
Amusing himself by abusing himself,
And catching it in his hat.

The bride was in the kitchen
Explaining to the groom,
The vagina not the rectum
Is the entrance to the womb.

The village magician he was there,
Up to his favorite trick,
Pulling his foreskin over his head,
And disappearing up his prick.

The village giant he was there,
A mighty man was he,
He lined them up against the wall
And fucked them three by three.

The vicar and his wife were there,
Having lots of fun,
The parson had his finger
Up another lady’s bun.

The village doctor he was there,
He had his bag of tricks,
And in between the dances
He was sterilizing pricks.

Father O’Flanagan he was there,
And in the corner he sat,
Amusing himself by abusing himself
And catching it in his had.

There was fucking on the couches,
There was fucking on the cots,
And lying up against the wall
Were rows of grinning twats.

Giles he played a dirty trick,
We cannot let it pass,
He showed a lass his mighty prick
Then shoved it up her ass.

Mrs. O’Maley she was there,
She had the crowd in fits,
A jumping off the mantelpiece
And bouncing off her tits.

Jackie Stewart did his fucking,
Right upon the moor,
It was, he thought, much better
Than fucking on the floor.

Jock McDougall he was there,
A looking for a fuck,
But every quim was occupied
And he was out of luck.

The huntsman’s daughter she was there,
Tired from the hunt,
A wreath of roses around her ass
And a carrot up her cunt.

The chimney sweep he was there,
They had to throw him out,
For every time he passed some wind
The room was filled with soot.

The village economist he was there,
His prick held in his hand,
Waiting for the moment when
Supply would meet demand.

The village blacksmith he was there,
Sitting by the fire,
Doing abortions by the score
With a piece of red hot wire.

The village postman he was there,
The poor man had the pox,
He couldn’t fuck the lasses
So he fucked the letter box.

The blacksmith’s father he was there,
A roaring like a lion,
He’d cut his cock off in the forge
So he used his rod of iron.

Dino had an even stroke,
His skill was much admired,
He fucked away half the night
Until his cock expired.

The village butcher he was there,
Cleaver in his hand,
Every time he turned around
He circumcised the band.

The village virgin she was there,
All dressed in frilly pink,
She took the boys behind the fence
And made their fingers stink.

Willy Roberts he arrived,
His prick was all alert,
But when the night was done
“Twas dangling in the dirt.”

Now little Willy he was there,
But he was only eight,
He couldn’t catch a harlot
So he had to masturbate.

The village veteran he was there,
His balls were made of brass,
And when he blew a fart, my lads,
The sparks flew out his ass.

Little Jimmy he was there,
The leader of the choir,
He hit the balls of all the boys
To make their voices higher.

The village leper he was there,
Sitting on a log,
Peeling foreskin off his cock
And feeding it to his dog.

Another blacksmith he was there,
Tending to his fires,
Making prophylactics
Out of motorcycle tires.

The village builder he was there,
He brought his bag of tricks,
He poured cement in all the holes
And blunted all the pricks.

The village cripple he was there,
He wasn’t very much,
Took the girls behind the house
And fucked them with his crutch.

Wee MacGregor he was there,
His pint of beer he’d split,
It mingled with the semen
That was trickling down his kilt.

The mayor’s daughter she was there,
She had the crowd in fits,
Sliding down the bannister
And bouncing on her tits.

The village stable boy he was there,
The bastard was quite coarse,
We caught him in the stable
With his cock inside a horse.

The village parson he was there,
All dressed up in his shroud,
Swinging on the chandalier
Pissing on the crowd.

And when the ball was over,
What a sight to see,
Four and twenty maidenheads
A hanging from a tree.

And when the ball was over,
Everyone did confess,
They all enjoyed the dancing
But the fucking was the best.

Mrs. O’Leary she was there,
Swingin’ from the chandelier,
Spilling her menstrual juices
Into everybody’s beer.

The village cook he was there,
The bastard was quite crude,
They caught him in the kitchen
Masturbating in the food.

The Jersey girl was standin’ there,
Her but against the wall,
“Put your money on the table boys,
I’m goin’ to do youse all!”

The parson’s wife she was there,
And she was worst of all,
Pulled her skirt above her head
And shouted, “fuck it all.”

The vicar’s wife she was there,
Sitting by the fire,
Knitting contraceptives
Out of india rubber tires.

Sergeant Murphy he was there,
The pride of the Force,
They caught him behind the barn
Jacking off a horse.

The village whore, she was there
Sitting on the floor,
Every time she spread her legs,
The vacuum shut the door

And when the ball was over,
All the guests confessed,
The music was the finest
But the fucking was the best.

And so the ball was over,
All went home to rest,
The music had been exquisite
Still the fucking was the best.

And finally there was the Johnnie Rugger
He seemed like quite a stud.
But when it came to fucking
His pecker was a dud.

First lady over,
Second lady front,
Third ladies finger
up the fourth ladies cunt.

Well, McPhearson’s band, they were there,
A dishin’ oot the licks,
You cood na’ hear a bloody thin’
for the swishin’ o’ the pricks.

Best Man in the corner,
Instructin’ to the Groom,
“The vagina, not the rectum son,
Is the entrance to the womb.”

The village whore she was there,
A cunning little runt,
With herpes sores and the clap on tap,
She was na’ mer’ than a running cunt.

**********************************************

A song that we sing in Boston/Cambridge. You can replace the city name in the last verse with wherever you are.

Housewife:

I don’t wanna be a housewife
I’d much rather be a whore
I’d rather turn some tricks
Involving footlong dicks
Housework is such a bloody bore, Oh Blimey

I don’t wanna sweep this fucking kitchen
I don’t wanna mop this fucking floor
I’d rather be getting laid
I’m not even getting paid
And as it is I have to ask for more,
Oh Blimey

Monday I’d strut the streets of Stratford
Tuesday I’d beat some meat in Wales
Wednesday by the Thames, I’d lay them ten by ten
Thursday’s saved for all that’s female
Fridays for handjobs and for blowjobs
Saturday’s otherwise occupied. OCCUPIED.
And Sunday at the palace, I’d mount his royal phallus
And take his royal Highness for a ride, oh Blimey

I don’t wanna be a housewife
I’d much rather be a whore
I’d rather turn some tricks involving footlong dicks
Housework is such a bloody bore, oh Blimey

I don’t wanna have this fucking baby
I’ll leave this house this very fucking day! FUCKING DAY!

And strut the streets of Cambridge, oh mighty mighty Cambridge
And fornicate my fucking life away

**********************************************

Dicks and Dykes

(This is a battling song.  You split up into two groups based on how you’re feeling that day [or if you are terrible at making decisions like I am, you just sing both parts].  There’s a “dicks” group and a “dykes” group and you both sing your own parts for the chorus and try to be louder than the other group.)

CHORUS:
Dick, da-dick, da-dick, dick, da-dick, da-dick, dick, da-dick, dick, WHOO!
(OR)
Dyke, da-dyke, da-dyke, dyke, da-dyke, da-dyke, dyke, da-dyke, dyke, WHOO!

Verse 1 - Dicks group
Gimme gimme that number one, ‘cuz sucking dick is so much fun!
It’s long and firm and full of sperm

(Chorus battle)

Verse 2 - Dykes group
Gimme gimme that number two, ‘cuz eatin’ pussy is good for you!
It’s soft and loose and full of juice

(Chorus battle)

Verse 3 (dicks group)
Gimme gimme that number three, ‘cuz suckin’ dick is good for me

Verse 4 (dykes group)
Gimme gimme that number four, ‘cuz eatin’ pussy makes me want more

Verse 5 (dicks group)
Gimme gimme that number five, ‘cuz suckin’ dick makes me feel alive

Verse 6 (dykes group)
Gimme gimme that number six, ‘cuz eatin’ pussy makes me like chicks

Verse 7 (dicks group)
Gimme gimme that number seven, ‘cuz suckin’ dick puts me in heaven

Verse 8 (dykes group)
Gimme gimme that number eight, ‘cuz eatin’ pussy makes me feel great

Verse 9 (dicks group)
Gimme gimme that number nine, ‘cuz suckin’ dick makes me feel fine

Verse 10 (dykes group)
Gimme gimme that number ten, ‘cuz likin’ chicks makes me hate men