For all the shenanigans that occur

The Ball of Kirriemuir

(A mainstay of Scottish rugby teams; verses can be mixed.)

Singing: Balls to your partner,
Ass against the wall,
If you’ve never been laid on Saturday night,
You’ve never been laid at all.

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Yo Ho

I put my hand upon her toe, yo-ho (yo-ho). 
I put my hand upon her toe, yo-ho (yo-ho).
I put my hand upon her toe
She said hey rugger, you’re way too low!

Get in get out quit fuckin’ about yo ho yo ho yo ho.

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A song that is sung in Boston/Cambridge. You can replace the city name in the last verse with wherever you are.

I don’t wanna be a housewife
I’d much rather be a whore
I’d rather turn some tricks
Involving footlong dicks
Housework is such a bloody bore, Oh Blimey

I don’t wanna sweep this fucking kitchen
I don’t wanna mop this fucking floor
I’d rather be getting laid
I’m not even getting paid
And as it is I have to ask for more,
Oh Blimey

Monday I’d strut the streets of Stratford
Tuesday I’d beat some meat in Wales
Wednesday by the Thames, I’d lay them ten by ten
Thursday’s saved for all that’s female
Fridays for handjobs and for blowjobs
Saturday’s otherwise occupied. OCCUPIED.
And Sunday at the palace, I’d mount his royal phallus
And take his royal Highness for a ride, oh Blimey

I don’t wanna be a housewife
I’d much rather be a whore
I’d rather turn some tricks involving footlong dicks
Housework is such a bloody bore, oh Blimey

I don’t wanna have this fucking baby
I’ll leave this house this very fucking day! FUCKING DAY!
And strut the streets of Cambridge, oh mighty mighty Cambridge
And fornicate my fucking life away

Ruck to the East

The verses are a call and return where one player will choose a teammate (or opponent) to make fun of, then everyone will repeat the lyrics before heading into the chorus.

(The lyrics are what I imagine the U.S. Eagles would sing.  For the chorus, just insert your team name/university and see which team can yell louder!)


One player: Ohh, Sally’s like peanut butter, cheap and easy to spread!

Everyone: Ohh, Sally’s like peanut butter, cheap and easy to spread!


So ruck to the east, and ruck to the west

U.S. ruggers ruck the best!

So keep on ruckin’ Eagles

Ruck those blues away!

Other verses:

“Jane is like a television, a 3-year old could turn her on!”
“Kelly’s like spaghetti, straight until she’s wet!” 
McDonald’s - over a million served
Burger King - you can have it your way
Pencil - straight until a point
Town bicycle – everyone gets a ride
Shotgun – two pumps and she’s ready to blow
Light switch – one flick and you’ll turn her on
Oreos - eat her and your teeth turn black
Balsa wood - light and easy to nail
exit ramp - she’s where everyone gets off
Snickers - always satisfies
the ocean - wet and smells like fish
parking meter - a quarter for 15 minutes
jumbo jet - biggest cock pit in town
Domino’s pizza - only good when you’re really drunk
Toilet seat - gets a lot of ass

The Marrying Kind

Everyone:  (Chorus) If I were the marrying kind, and thank the Lord I’m not sir, the kind of rugger I would be would be a rugby:

Player: Flanker, sir!

Everyone: Flanker, sir, why is that, sir?

Player: ‘Cause I’d get off quick

Everyone: And you’d get off quick, we’d all get off quick together.  It’ll be alright in the middle of the night if we all get off quick together.

Back to Chorus

Other verses:

Hooker - I’d swipe balls
Lock - I’d grab crotch
Prop - I’d support the hooker
Eightman/Lock #2 - I’d sniff butt
Flyhalf - I’d whip it out
Center - I’d find the holes
Wing - I’d get none
Wing #2 - I’d spread it wide
Wing #3 - I’d come quick
Fullback - I’d get fucked
Scrumhalf - I’d grab balls
Scrumhalf #2 - I’d go both ways
Rulebook - I’d get violated
Boots - I’d come in a box
Scrum - I’d drive hard
Whistle - I’d get blown
Groundskeeper - I’d grow weed
Groundskeeper #2 - I’d do lines
Groundskeeper #3 - I’d trim bush
Fan in the rain - I’d come in rubber
Fan in the rain #2 - I’d get wet
Fan in the sun - I’d come again
Fan from far away - I’d come for hours
Jumper - I’d get high
Jumper #2 - I’d go both ways
Line-out - I’m not straight
Half-time orange - I’d get sucked
Hot dog vendor #1 - I’d split buns
Hot dog vendor #2 - I’d squirt sauce
Last year’s jerseys - I’d come out of the closet
Ball - I’d get touched
Mouthguard - I’d get sucked
Sir’s hat - I’d sit on a dick
Fan in the snow - I’d never come
Dog on the field - I’d chase pussy
Scrum cap - I’d be on a pussy

I’m making all of the songs rebloggable!

Get ready, ruggers!

When people remind me that the spring season is almost over


When I arrive late to a social and have to catch up


When we all make goals for the off-season

And I tell everyone:


But what I mean is: